Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Goodbye Orkut

I wrote this sometime back, but today I added these lines because I came to know that Orkut is being closed down now on 30th September. Orkut truly taught the young generation of India the actual meaning of social networking. It gave me a lot of friends, a lot of knowledge, and a lot of unforgettable experiences as well. 

Orkut WAS  social networking site sometime ago. Yes it was. It is no more. And it was the only one. I'm sure we all still remember Orkut because that was the first social networking website for the people of my generation. That was where we met a lot of old and new friends. That was where we wrote scraps to each other. Do you remember SCRAPS ?? Yeah, yeah, scraps which we wrote on each other's pages. Some people even wrote testimonials for others. TESTIMONIALS? Anyone? Yes. They were about the person to describe him that he/she is my best friend/brother/sister/lover and how cool/amazing/charming/loving he/she is. Then the person had to accept the testimonial which then appeared on the bottom of his/her page. Then there was a truly devilish option (in my views), to be able to see who visited your profile, and whose profile you visited: recent visitors. I mean, why in the world? When I see somebody's pictures, I should be able to do it anonymously. If you don't want me to see your pictures, simply hide them away. But I don't want you to know that I saw them. 

The Orkut login page. Ah! Old memories. There were the days where we logged in to our accounts everyday to check out scraps, testimonials and chats. Then came themes in Orkut. Themes like beach, greens and sunsets or snow, as far as I remember. Some of us changed our themes (backgrounds for profiles), but soon it was no more interesting. Long gone are those days when one single scrap count would bring a glitter in our eyes.. and we must admit, scrap count was the criteria of popularity !!

I heard that Orkut updated its feature that the users would not be able to see the comments they made on the scraps, instead it would appear on the conversation page, which would be private to the user... It was, well, about, more than an year ago.. I truly wonder if anyone used this feature before we switched off our accounts from Orkut and switched in Facebook. A world of friends, family and relatives where we have our little, virtual world. Personally I have no idea what Orkut interface looks like today, because I deleted my profile from there, well, and eternity ago. I'm no pro to the world of networkings and greater knowledge of the workings, but still I would never forget the first one which taught me the meaning of social networking. 

I shall always remember those last profile visits, those testimonial, hot lists and crush lists. With Orkut, I got back a lot of my old, school friends. It was a blessing to have in the good old days and it surely has left a mark in our lives.. Orkut was our friend, and it will always be. Let us pray for it together. R.I.P. Orkut.

All I want to say that others such as Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn are just websites, but Orkut, you are an EMOTION. Even if you go down, you will still be in my memory.  

Thursday, March 20, 2014

I did not love him when I married him..

Love is a word that is constantly thrown away, more these days than I ever saw. I grew up with the belief that love is supposed to be a very sacred word: love means giving yourself away to the one you love, love means caring, love is sacrificing and compromising, love is tending to the needs of the other more than your own. Love is devoid of ego. Love is pure. Love is heavenly. Love is divine.

But it breaks my heart to see and experience these days where the true meaning of love has lost its importance. I have heard a lot of people say "I love you" and every time I am so bewildered (still) when I hear the same person saying the same words to any other, just any other.. !! I have always believed in love, but sadly, in today's so-called modern times, the one who sacrifices for the other is a fool, the one who gives themselves away to the other is being used by another selfish one, the one who opens his/her heart truly to the other is always taken advantage of, sometimes blackmailed.. Love has lost its meaning for most people and I seriously feel a pang of sadness when I read/hear/know incidents of heartbreaks/cheating/break-ups without a reason.. This is not love. This modern version of love is not love at all.

I come from a place where weddings are still majorly fixed by the parents and families. So ours is a completely arranged alliance. We talked on the phone and met with our families to see each other for the first time. Our alliance was fixed and our wedding was six months apart, in which period we lived in two different parts of the world, in two different countries, two different time zones. Ours was an arranged + long distance relationship. Phone calls, chats and Skype videos were the only ways of communications as there existed no way where we could physically meet.

As we began to talk and know about each other, we started feeling close to each other. He was alone, and I was alone, so when we got each other to talk, and we knew we have to live together, we began to feel in love. I felt I am in love. I wanted to say so a thousand times everyday. He said "I love you" a thousand times a day, and so did I. We were apart but we felt connected. We sent messages to each other at work. We kept each other awake at nights just to say "I love you". We felt the need to hear each other's voice a lot of times every day. We talked for hours and never got tired. We sacrificed food and sleep just to talk. We told to each other we would live happily, we would never fight. I was pretty sure this is it. This is LOVE. I love this man. I was happy.

But today, as we cross one year of being married and living together, I have known for the surest, that I DID NOT LOVE HIM WHEN I MARRIED HIM. Neither did he I suppose. When we lived together, I began to realize that true love is not just holding endless conversations about nothing, it is to understand the other just by looking at the other. While I do not underestimate the need of saying "I love you" to let him know I love him, I have known it is much more. Love is better expressed by actions rather than words. Love is no longer the urge to touch each other, but to understand if the other is happy/sad/angry/low/irritated even by the way they write any message to you, even if that says nothing about their mood, even if it contains a very few words. Love is apologising when you are wrong, and when you are not. Love is not holding yourself back, but love is giving yourself completely to the other, in all the right and wrong moments of life.

Love is about preparing breakfast early morning even if sometimes I feel like sleeping, but I do so, not because I am supposed to, but because I cannot see him go without eating. Love is not calling and/or sending texts to each other at work, but understanding it might distract the other from work which should be his main focal point during the day. Love is not about talking about everything you might want to say, but restraining yourself from doing so because you understand the other doesn't need to listen. Love is not about finding the similarities in each other, rather it is about respecting the differences. Love is not about bringing roses every other day, but is about his smile which he brings home everyday, no matter what he faced at work. Love is no longer about gifting and /or getting chocolates, love is about having all the sweetness of the world in one moment of meeting each other's eyes..

Love is not waking each other at night to say "I love you", but its about caring and understanding that the other needs sleep to be able to function the next morning. It's about being very careful not to make the slightest of sounds to disturb the other from sleep, even if you can't seem to sleep. Love is not only promising to hold hands forever, but it is going through a storm, and coming out of it, still holding hands. Love is not about wanting to hear each other's voice any more, because you know the other is always there for you. Love is never about sacrificing food and sleep just to be with/hold a conversation with each other, rather love is knowing that even if we don't talk for a day, he needs to eat and sleep well, because he will be be there for me the next day as well, and the conversation can wait...

Love is not seeking/giving attention from/to the other at all the given times, but knowing well that the other needs space of his own, and that's why sometimes we don't even speak a work for a stretch of 1.5-2 hours because I understand and appreciate he needs space, and so I read, write, play or study at the time, while he has his space. Love is not about never fighting, but love is when you feel a pang in your heart to see tears in other's eyes. And love is when you know the other feels a pang in their heart to see you cry. These are the things that are biggest in life. Love is about trying to make the other laugh when the other is sad/angry, even if you yourself feel frustrated to do so, but you do so because you cannot bear the other feeling bad. And love is giving up your anger/sadness because you know the other cannot bear to see you the way you are. Love is about giving what all you have and never expect anything in return. And when the other does the same, you know it is true love.

Love is all about listening without interrupting, speaking without accusing, giving without sparing, answer without arguing, trust without wavering and forgiving without punishing. Love is a beautiful game played by two people, in which if one wins, both win; and if one loses, both lose. Love is believing that the other is doing all they can for you and they love you in every possible way they can, even if you expect more or something else, but this is the way they love, just as you have your way of giving love.

Love is not about making big promises in life, but is about caring about the smallest things in life. Love is about him cooking/doing dishes when I don't feel fine. Love is about me feeling more than happy when I cook something that is just for him (I'm a bit choosy for food). Love is about holding me tight and never letting go when I'm mad, till I laugh. Love is sharing each other's crazy thoughts, and laughing at them together. Love is when you argue like friends, fight like siblings and protect each other like lovers. Love is never, ever in the big things of life. Love is never about moving mountains, but its about slightly brushing aside the differences and hugging the similarities. Love is about accepting the flaws of the other with open arms, just as they do yours, because that is what makes you both human. That is why you have each other. To complete each other. In every possible way.

Love is a hug to say good morning, and a light kiss to say good night, and love is everything in between. Love is in holding of hands, taking walks together, bursting in laughter, shouting in anger, gorging on food, admiring the snow/sun/wind together, calling names, teasing each other till the point they get mad, then making them laugh again, talking in eyes, beating each other playfully, pulling hairs, and hugging tight at the end of it all to say I am here for you, no matter what happens. I know I have never needed a man who would bring me stars, but someone who would lie down with me to look at them together.. I have known love in these little ways, and I have known love in a way I never have known. It was definitely not love when I married him. It was an attraction of a sort, nowhere close to the love I have today. Today is love. I am love. I love. I am in love.

Friday, March 14, 2014

My second baby turns two !!

Yep. That's my second baby. If you don't like the fact then you may quit reading this, but the love for my babies is much more than my love for any human being. For they are the one who are much, much better than any other human being in the world. Where would you find someone so selfless and so sincere that they would love you more than themselves and ready to even lay down their own lives for you... This you cannot get in any human being. And the fact that I love them more than anyone cannot be changed. He has a piece of my heart and will forever continue to hold it. So when he's not around, my heart aches because a piece is missing, it's somewhere so far away where I cannot reach.. not yet.. No, he's very much celebrating his second birthday at my home in India, but very very far away from me.. 

When I got him first, he was just a cute little ball of fur who made scratches on my skin with his paws and sharp, sharp little baby teeth.. that is just unforgettable. But that was the time he used to be in my lap and was so tiny I had to carry him everywhere.. he was so adorable, I fell in love with him ever since I saw him first..

From the very first day I got him, he used to look at me with his lovely big eyes that used to melt my heart every time I used to look at him. That made it practically impossible for me to concentrate on my work after I catch a glimpse of him in the morning, while he looked at me as if pleading me not to leave him to work.. It was a battle with my head and heart every morning, even though my office was just upstairs, my heart ached to reach downstairs to cuddle him and just sit down with him.. And that's what I did for hours after my work hours were over.. I was in love, overwhelming love.. !!!

That's how my evenings went by, photographing my new baby and talking to him, while he tried to scratch me every time I went close.. Oh! how I miss those times while he was a cuddly baby.. !!

You whined and barked, and made big noises
Sometimes you were difficult to handle..
You slobbered on the eatables..
and left them of the floor sometimes..
but always found your way 
to the kitchen dustbin..
You were always so fond of food
you could eat whatever and whenever..
you shed a lot and I cleaned up a lot...
and sometimes I got so tired and irritated..
but you comforted me by putting your front paws
on both my feet.. !!
You never wanted to have a bath..
and were rigid to even sleep sometimes..
you wanted to cuddle and keep me close
you raised you paws and held my hand..
You took a piece of my heart forever..
your shiny bright eyes..
always are full of love..
you melt my heart with just one look.. 
I miss you my baby..
I miss you dearly from this distance..!!
I love you always.. !!

But, of course.. life moves on and times change.. they never remain the same. And so, I was destined to leave him with my parents and move to another country, far far away.. So I managed to click a few pictures before leaving him for a very long time. In a short time, he turned one, and he was a beautiful baby. I was far away, but I sent all my love to him for his birthday, wishing for his long life.. 

After 11 months, I was again ready to visit my parents' house and I could not wait to see him. But my parents, my husband and my brother were sceptical of weather he would recognize me after such a long time.. this made me think, what if he doesn't recognize me any more.. !! After all, I hadn't spent a lot of time with him.. so even I was confused as to what should I do.. Ah! will see when it happens.. 

When I reached home, after hugging my parents, I asked them where my babies were (yes, there are two... one german shephard and other cocker spaniel). They pointed to the backyard where I could see them from the window. I opened the window and he climbed to the sill.. so everybody asked me to hand him a biscuit from a distance (after all, he might bite you !!). So I tried doing the same (even I was scared because he was a very big baby now). The moment he touched the biscuit, he smelled my hand and licked it instantly. It was an amazing moment and suddenly I was fearless. I know he recognized me.. It was a moment of pure joy !!!

I opened the backyard door and flew in there. But, to my surprise, he was a little too heavy and big for me.. he jumped right on me, wanting to lick my face and I was thrown off balance. I tried to sit down but all he wanted was to lick me and cuddle with me. Ah ! this made my face and hands and my hair very muddy, not to mention the new crisp white jacket I was wearing.. but I loved the moments in which I again realized pure, selfless love !!!

These were the moments of pure bliss. I felt blessed to be home again.. to be able to play and spend time with them.. I sacrificed food, sleep, tv, talking with my parents also to some extent to spend maximum time with them, because I personally feel that they are the only ones I cannot talk to on the phone while I am away, but I can do so with my parents, and friends and family.. 

So I managed to have some random clicks while spending time with him, even though every time I tried to take a picture, he used to jump on my phone, thinking that it was something to eat.. !!

I don't know how he looks today, but he sure looks quite the similar (these are two-months old pictures).
But I wish him a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY  and pray to God he lives long, and healthy. I miss him terribly from this distance and send all my love to him, today and always. I wish God may take some years of my life to let him live.. I wish to hold him close very soon. 

Love with all my heart my baby.. my Tango..
From mamma.. :)


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