Monday, June 23, 2014

From a married woman...


Marriage is not only a beautiful word, but also a wonderful experience. Being married myself for an year and half, I firmly believe in the institution of marriage. It brings two people the closest it can be to share a special bond for a lifetime. It is a bliss. It brings love and happiness in everyone's life. But what I fail to understand is why married women are judged differently. A married woman is suddenly treated differently and sometimes she herself is surprised as to why.. Yes, married women do wear sindoor and bindi, and might be wearing an ornament or two, which marks them wedded.. but that doesn't suddenly transform her from a young, chirpy girl to a mature woman who is expected to handle things entirely differently. She is still a little girl at heart, who is maybe learning to take care of herself on her own, and also of her significant other. Even if she has been married for an year or two, she cannot be expected to handle situations, problems and things she comes across everyday life, exceptionally well. She was a young, carefree little girl who still loves to laze around, likes to be pampered and watch her favourite movies or read books. She might still be coming to terms with the new place, the new people around and her new life and responsibilities. She might still be struggling to understand her husband and her new family well.




Neither does marriage, nor does having kids necessarily turn her into an older, responsible woman. I don't get the fact why people don't see the child in her, why nobody notices the stars in her eyes and the shine of her dreams.. She is still a girl at heart. Wearing sindoor and bindi doesn't make her any less of that. She is not supposed to be responsible for ALL the things the society expects her to be. She will eventually come around, but she needs her time to learn all of what is expected of her. She needs to be trusted and cared for. She needs to be assured that stumbling upon things is okay, that not cooking perfectly is all right, and making mistakes in the household chores is not a crime. She needs love and care like everyone else. She needs to be sure that even if she makes a lot of mistakes, she will not be judged upon, and that everyone takes their own time to learn things.

She wants to hold her head high and keep up her identity. She wants the world to respect her as an individual, not just as someone's wife. She needs people to know her by her first name, not by her husband's last name. She doesn't HAVE to be perfect in all respects. She was not born to take care of someone else, but it's just her heart and the immense love for her life partner that makes her care and do what all she does. She loves with all her heart and her emotions flow endlessly. She works towards perfection for her husband and her new family, not because she is obliged to do so, but because she wants to...




For all my fellow married women, I know you are strong, I know you will always be...I know you want to be perfect for everyone in your family. You want to be a perfect wife, a perfect daughter in-law, a perfect mother and so on.. Take time to learn to be perfect, but don't let the little girl in you die. Don't let the sparkle in your eyes diminish, and don't let your dreams fade. Sure, as women we know and want to keep our loved ones above our own needs, but it's necessary to take time for yourself and to sometimes be the "you" you want to be.. Live your dreams and love your own self.

For all my fellow married men, cherish the child in her and never let the sparkles in her eyes fade. Let her be and let the little girl in her live forever; for that's the very essence of her, and she would like to be loved, pampered and cared for like a little child would.. So make her feel loved, and trust her desires and the will of her heart..





31 comments:

  1. Great post. As a married one, I too want to be "perfect" for my family. I've matured a lot since I've been married, and even more since having a child. It is a beautiful institution, and can real help you grow as a person if you are ready for it, want it, and are willing to work for it.

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  2. Your pictures in this post are beautiful. This post Is beautiful as well. I too am married and have 5 kiddos and get so busy I forget about me.

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  3. That was such a beautiful post! I'm not married (yet) but I think it could even relate to relationships that could lead to marriage. Beautiful photos as well!

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  4. Great post! I'm blown away by your photographs! They are stunning.

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  5. This is such a great, true post. I love my Hubby :)

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  6. Yeah, not all married women are mature for their stance. I agree that every woman deep inside is a girl, so husbands should be always there to support! :)

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  7. Being married requires a lot of responsibilities and also a selflessness that considers the welfare of the other so married ladies should be treated well.

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  8. I'm married with one son and I became mature and responsible of all my actions from the day I was married. It's not easy that's why husbands are there to support their wives in and out.

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  9. What great advice. We've been married for a long time and are still in love. He makes me feel special every day. We're always sad when we see people get divorced.

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  10. I love all your pictures because they are so beautiful. I think that marriage is and should be cherished as well as yourself. Thanks for sharing great post.

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  11. I'm also married and still in love for over 16 years. It gets better as years go by. Nothing will ever change the way we look at each other. Great pictures and Thanks for sharing them.

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  12. I can't get over how beautiful the pictures are.. I've been married almost 8 years & have 4 kids.. Marriage doesn't sound as cool as what you talk about here, haha.

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  13. Beautiful pictures! Great post! Married or long term relationships, these are great points! <333

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  14. It's wonderful when a wife is supported as a person and not just as a role. I agree the dreamer in all of us should be nurtured and cared for, it's not something that should be lost.

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  15. I'm loving your pictures! Great post

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  16. Brijdeep, this is an amazing article!!! I've been married to the most amazing woman in the world for 21 years in fourteen days. What an incredible journey and joy it is that she is my partner. I wouldn't trade her for anything and I value her in all areas of my life.

    Thank you for sharing!
    Don

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  17. I have been married for almost 11 years now, thanks for a great article. I have found that when I only look for the good in my husband we are really happy!

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  18. Nineteen years of marriage over here, and man did I try crazy hard the first five years. I've since lightened up on myself a bit :)

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  19. As a little girl I had a dream that I wanted to be married young - 20-22 years old - but I don't even have a boyfriend. I wanted to be a young mom, and I also feel the mature for it in myself, but it is a different fate I got :) I'd like to be married so much, but I also feel your struggles too.

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  20. Wow, I love these pictures! I love the body art from your culture, it's absolutely beautiful- and so were your words here.
    It's true...marriage takes a lot out of you and sometimes, just once in a while, it's nice to remember who we were BEFORE all of that, reconnect and let the lady free ;)

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  21. First, the photos you provided with this post are stunning. My old boss was Indian and the weddings he went to... OMG... I just wanted to go to one, they were so beautiful!!

    Now, I am not married and unlike i'm not really believer of marriage. But putting my opinion aside I think you are right.I think a lot of married woman are treated differently as they are now expected to be responsible for a boat load of new things. I also feel like a lot of married woman lose themselves. I have seen it where they became so and so's wife.. I have seen the wives fade into the background. It's a shame. If she is 20 and she is still a little girl and then she gets married, she is still 20 and she still a little girl. I really enjoyed your post! Thank you for sharing!

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  22. Stunning pictures, and I love your advice to both wives and husbands! Marriage is a challenge, but a very rewarding challenge!

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  23. I love your thoughts on marriage! Thanks for sharing.

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  24. Marriage s about two people making a union. But sometimes people feel they should give up their interests and who they are. A good mariage will allow you to be yourself and evolve.

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  25. Great post!!!! Lovely pictures. I agree with you completely!

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  26. Its well written and a fact that specially our indian society don't realize. Sometimes from the day one in laws expect you to know each and everything likes and dislikes about them , and expects you to manage (manage will be a wrong word as most of the MILs don't want that from their respective daughter in laws) or know that household as they know. And most of the times you fail as you don't have any idea about it till the time somebody brief about it. And that starts the world of sarcastic comments about you, about your parents. What they fail to understand whatever age a gal is getting married she is still a child or new child in your home , who needs same love and affection as any other member of your family and as we teach a toddler ..... we need to make her familiar with that household, family and her surrondings but not by cursing her or her parents but with all love and affection and then only she will be able to give you back all that love in form of respect. And that initial moments of her will become a beautiful experience of her life time that she will cherish and will try to move to the new generation. But most of the families fail to do that and outcome is they end up killing a child in her and she ....in effort of protecting herself and maintaining her identity she transforms into a woman who had forgotten to smile.....is often rude and loud from outside as she wants to show this world that no nonsense will be accepted OR she just surrender herself to their expectations and her whole life goes into becoming that perfect well being for whom there is no definition, no standards. As what is perfect for one family can be a blunder for other. A girl who got married and enters into a new world is just like a small sapling who had been taken out with roots from a nursery of her own family and planted again to somebody's yard but to make it a healthy looking plant or tree you need to give that care so that its root can bind with that new soil and can stand straight. If that plants doesn't get that we know what happens with that plant.

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    Replies
    1. very true...I have seen this happening around very often in India , especially for want of dowry... Very sad indeed.

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  27. Hey the pics are so amazing. Are they taken by you?

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  28. Great post! I totally agree.

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  29. Hi...nicely penned down thoughts...i would only like to add that just like a girl is always a girl..doesnt have to mature overnight to be a woman after marriage. .a boy is also a boy...he too should nt be made to be a responsible man overnight. I think both boy and girl mature together in the beautiful bond called marriage. As wives we should also be easy on them and let the young boy at heart always be young and happy. Just sayin. :)

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  30. Awesome post love the way it is presented

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